


Looking Death in the Eye

by Avalon_Rhapsodos



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Don't wanna reveal too much right off the bat, Will continuously update tags as things progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20962013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avalon_Rhapsodos/pseuds/Avalon_Rhapsodos
Summary: Ryojishould not be alive.There was no question about that, not after what had happened to him, toMinato.So why the hell was he given a second chance, when he was the least deserving person in the world?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO LADIES GENTS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN/OUTSIDE! Welcome to my next big project and uhhhh...bit it will *be*, lemme tell you. I have *plans* for this AU! Shoutouts to my *lovely beta*, [salmonandsoup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salmonandsoup/pseuds/salmonandsoup/works), who will be reading this trainwreck before I post it all! For those of you following me over from my other big project, Bloody Saviors, welcome! And thank you for giving this a chance despite _not_ being Persona 5 as well!

Cold. That was the first sensation Ryoji felt. Wherever he was, it felt cold. At first there was nothing else; then the pain set in. It felt like every nerve in his body flared to life all at once. A deep, visceral scream ripped itself from the bottom of his lungs as he rolled over onto his stomach. He shakily forced himself up to his knees before falling back down as his atrophied muscles gave out. The fire under his skin was too much. 

Why did he hurt?

...More importantly, why was he _alive_?

He remembered watching through cold eyes as he (she, it, _whatever_) ground Minato and his friends into the ground. Trapped inside his own body, he was a small fragment, a part of a larger whole that had no say in its existence, forced to watch an ending it didn't want. He expected to see defeat, to see S.E.E.S fall and give in finally. But Minato, dear, sweet Minato, proved him wrong. He fought to the end, used every ounce of his strength to push back Nyx, and—

Ryoji didn't know what happened after that. One moment he was watching Minato, the next he was coming to on a cold hard floor. (Ground? Ground.) He was outside somewhere. He could smell warm air and could hear birds chirping. So...this wasn't the Dark Hour obviously. He was alive. Somehow. (As alive as you could be when you're literally Death incarnate, anyway.)

The pain began to slowly dissipate and instead left him with a dull throbbing ache deep in his bones. A flash of some hazy vision, of seeing Minato's smiling face as a pair of doors began closing in front of him, made his heart squeeze in his chest. His eyes snapped shut as a fresh wave of agony crawled along his body. Everything. Fucking. _Hurt_.

He couldn't tell how long he'd been laying on the ground, but by the time he forced himself up to his feet the sun was beginning to brush against the horizon. Nightfall would come soon. He had nowhere to go. At least, he believed he had nowhere to go. Pulling himself up to his feet, he took a look around him and realized that he was near Gekkoukan. Specifically, in an alleyway at the far edge of the school. He remembered walking down this alley once or twice while hanging out with Minato. It wouldn't be hard to get back to the dorms and—

Oh. Would the dorms still be S.E.E.S. exclusive? Or would there be strangers waiting there for him? When they saw him again, would they hurt him? Would Aigis try to kill him? He wouldn't blame any of them. Hell, he'd almost welcome it at this point, even if deep down he knew it wouldn't happen. Only Minato could kill him, and Minato was gone, a stone gate, his arms spread wide in front of a door to keep _him_ from killing humanity.

That was such a strange thought to have, that he was the cause of the near end of the world, and yet wasn't at the same time. That would take some getting used to.

A cool breeze picked up and began blowing his scarf around him. It reminded him of sleepless nights when Minato would sneak out, and the pair of them would wander around Iwatodai for hours and hours talking about anything and everything that came to mind. A pleasant, bittersweet warmth settled in his chest and brought a gentle smile to his face. He missed those nights. He missed _Minato_.

His steps were slow and careful as he made his way to the dorm. If anyone was there that would recognize him, he reasoned that he could try to get some answers from them. As he walked he twirled the end of his scarf around his fingers, then unwound it to repeat the process again. Step, wind, step, wind, step, unwind, step, unwind—the repetition calmed him and lulled him into a sense of peace that he hadn't felt since before remembering who he truly was.

Just as he turned down the street to continue on to the dorms he caught a flash of soft green that had his hair standing on end at the back of his neck. Ah. She must have felt when he woke up. Not too surprising; he was a massive beacon of power after all. Junpei stood beside Fuuka in his pajamas while rubbing at his eyes tiredly; Yukari was on his other side with her arms crossed.

“I'm telling you, I felt something! It reminded me of the swell in power I felt the night we fought Nyx. It seems to be coming closer, as well. Please come with me to check it out?” Fuuka turned to her companions and clasped her hands in front of her, a rather adorable habit that she hadn't quite dropped yet. 

Ryoji hesitated. He could just leave. He posed no immediate danger to humanity anymore (as far as he knew, that could easily change at the drop of a hat) and the only reason he felt the need to speak to S.E.E.S was… Well, he couldn't really find a reason.Only that a small, but impulsive, part of him wanted it.

Before he could actually turn tail and run, though, Yukari raised her head up and locked eyes with him. Every muscle in his body tensed in tandem with hers; she reached over and smacked Junpei none too gently on the arm, which caused him to jerk in surprise and turn to glare at her.

“Hey, hey! No fair, Yukaricchi, that hurt!”

“We've got more important things to worry about than me hurting you, Junpei. I think I figured out what set Fuuka off,” she whispered. Both Junpei and Fuuka turned to where Yukari was staring and stiffened up in shock. The silence choked them all like Death. 

A fitting analogy, Ryoji thought dryly. He offered up a weak wave before slowly walking towards the trio. He kept his hands held up and as friendly a smile as he could muster, given the circumstances. The end of his scarf was still wrapped loosely around his wrist, with a thin section clasped between two fingers. A breeze began whipping up around them, and Ryoji felt it in his bones that Yukari was the source of it.

“I don't want to hurt you. I promise. I'm honestly just as confused as you are,” he said slowly. He stopped a good fifteen feet away, plenty of distance for them to react if they felt threatened. He kept his hands up as an added sign of goodwill and harmlessness. “I...I'm not sure what exactly happened or why I'm here. Just that I am. I woke up—” He rolled his left wrist ever so slightly to get a better look at his watch,amazed that it hadn’t cracked with what happened, “—fifteen minutes ago, in an alley near the school. I came here hoping to get some answers from someone. Perhaps Mit...errrr...Kirijo-san would be able to figure something out.”

“How do we know you aren't pulling our legs? We can't trust you, not after what you did,” Yukari snapped. Ryoji's posture wilted ever so slightly, shoulders drooping forward, head tilting downwards. “

“I know,” Ryoji muttered quietly. “But I…_I_ didn't want that to happen. I didn’t want any of it. Even if I couldn't fight the call, I—” His right hand slid up to hold his head gently. Pain flashed through his temple and into the backs of his eyes. Speaking like this, with no separation from Nyx and himself... “...Nyx. Nyx wanted it, not me.”

“But you're a fragment—”

“_Not anymore_,” Ryoji snapped. “I am Ryoji. I am my own person, my own _being. I am not Nyx_.” His left hand slid through the front of his hair to sweep it back. “I didn't want the Fall. I wanted to stop it. But I couldn't. Nyx was too powerful, as I warned. But… there's a door. Blocking her from that _thing._ The seal...Minato...” Something in his chest twisted painfully and knocked the wind out of him. His eyes stung with tears as his legs gave out beneath him and dropped him to the ground. “Minato…!”

Junpei glanced over to Yukari, whose face seemed torn and conflicted, then over to Fuuka’s anxious countenance. Ryoji shook from head to toe with barely-restrained sobs. His hands threaded up into his hair to pull painfully tight. It took a while before anyone was willing to break the silence. 

Fuuka was the first to move, taking a very slow breath and a step towards Ryoji. 

“I think...this may be something that we should contact Kirijo-senpai about.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! uhhhhhh...I'm gonna warn you now, this one won't have as consistent an update schedule as Saviors did. :/ Least not right now. My laptop's trying to give out on me, but fingers crossed I should be getting a replacement shortly after Christmas! I'll try and work on chapter 3 and get it out before Virus does die on me. For now, enjoy~!

Walking back into the S.E.E.S. dorms felt strange to Ryoji. The scenery hadn’t changed since he’d last set foot inside, but the building seemed to have taken on an entirely different feeling. Maybe it was the impending closure Yukari had informed him of that made him uneasy, or maybe it was the overarching feeling of loss that had seeped into the walls after Minato’s death that caused his skin to crawl Having three people he technically tried to murder sitting on the sofa across from him probably didn’t help the situation any.

“Mitsuru-senpai said she would be here within the hour. Aigis will be with her as well,” Fuuka said as she flipped her phone shut and carefully set it in her lap. Her normally warm eyes seemed to pierce into his questionably existent soul with a sharp, frigid stare. His own hands sat clasped firmly in his lap, ankles crossed and tucked underneath his seat.

Junpei seemed just as uncomfortable as Ryoji, tucking himself into the corner of the couch as best he could, but he folded his arms across his chest, lips set in a tight line. His right foot tapped out a muted and uneven rhythm against the tile, like he was doing his best to fight off how tired he was too.

Yukari seemed to be the least okay with the situation as it stood. She pressed her back firmly against the armrest of the couch, her legs pulled up tight to her chest and arms wrapped around them. Her head tucked into the dip between her knees, keeping her eyes focused on Fuuka’s hair instead of their unwanted guest. Ryoji hazarded a guess that she simply didn’t want to acknowledge his existence.

Ryoji cleared his throat quietly and opened his mouth to speak, but Fuuka’s eyes narrowing convinced him to keep quiet. Testing the limits of the trio’s patience probably wasn’t the smartest idea. A loose thread of the upholstery caught his attention, and he decided to focus on it to pass the time instead of forcing an unwanted and uncomfortable conversation.

The doors of the building opened with a slow, ominous creak that set the hairs on the back of Ryoji’s neck standing straight. He slowly turned in his seat to see Mitsuru standing in the doorway, face set in a deep scowl. Aigis stood behind her with her fists clenched at her side and a fire in her eyes that felt intense enough to set him ablaze.

“I hope you understand my surprise at seeing you standing here again, Mochizuki-san,” Mitsuru began as she stepped into the dorm room. A strong shudder ran down Ryoji’s spine, unsure if it came from intimidation, fear, or the sudden bone-deep chill that seeped into everything the moment Mitsuru spoke. It was enough, however, to pull an uncomfortable, weak chuckle from somewhere inside of him as he stood.

“I hope you understand my surprise at standing here again as well, Kirijo-san,” he said. His hands slowly raised up again in a display of friendly surrender. If anyone would be likely to strike him, he felt it would be either Mitsuru or Aigis. “Yamagishi-san told me the dorms would be closing soon. Is it from the end of the Dark Hour?”

“I do not feel we owe you an explanation, as you haven’t provided us with an explanation to your reappearance,” Aigis said. There seemed to be some sort of life inside of her now. It warmed Ryoji’s heart to hear, yet also left it torn into shreds, as though there was a part of him embedded inside of her, a mirror to the fragment clinging to Ryoji’s own soul. ”

“To be honest, I don’t believe I can.” His left hand dropped down to push three fingers into his pockets. Aigis tensed just a bit behind her companion. “I shouldn’t be here, I can tell you that much. You sealed Nyx away, after all. As it stands, I should be behind that gate as well.”

“But you’re not. You’re standing in the place that he used to live before he gave himself up to stop you from destroying the world.” Ryoji’s right hand twitched a bit, and an ugly scowl settled on his face. He turned to Yukari, who had pulled herself from the corner of the couch to stand after her little outburst, and felt a bitter smile spread on his lips.

“You stopped _Nyx_ from destroying the world. Not me. I am Mochizuki Ryoji. I am my own being. I do not appreciate you lumping me together with that creature,” he hissed. When Yukari opened her mouth to speak, he continued. “I don’t believe Minato-kun would appreciate you doing so either.”

“Don’t use his name to try and garner sympathy!” Yukari snapped at him. A strong wind whirled through the foyer and chilled the building even more. Ryoji stood his ground, only taking a small step backwards when it became too much for him to bare without falling backwards. “It’s your fault he’s gone!”

“Hey. Yukaricchi.” Junpei uncurled from the couch and reached forward far enough to take her hand and squeeze it tight in comfort and reassurance. “Remember what happened before? When we fought Erebus? I know you’re angry about what happened, but holding onto that anger’s just gonna hurt you later. I’m just as upset that Minato-kun’s gone as you are, but taking things out on Ryoji-kun won’t solve a thing. It’ll just make it hurt worse.” He gave another firm squeeze and flashed one of his trademark dopey grins that always seemed to spread to anyone else around him.

After a long pause, Yukari sighed. “You’re right.” She tenderly squeezed his hand back and eased herself back onto the couch beside him. “I thought I was fine, but seeing him again, I just…I got so angry. I thought I wouldn’t see him again, I thought that I wouldn’t have to. But he’s here and…everything’s flooding back. I was so angry at him, so damn frustrated that he just sat there and let everything happen! His only solution was to let us forget and pretend everything was okay when he wouldn’t be there to suffer either!”

“It was all I could do,” Ryoji whispered firmly. After a moment he found his voice, and his anger flooded him all at once. “I couldn’t defy Nyx! Her power over me was too strong! I wanted things to be different! She—she took control of my mind completely. I didn’t have a choice!”

“If you didn’t have a choice, then why are you here now?” Mitsuru’s arms crossed in front of her chest as her hip cocked out ever so slightly, still carrying an aura of respect and power about her that left no room for argument or defiance. “Why couldn’t you have done something to stop her before, if you’re different from her?”

“Because I just _couldn’t_, dammit!” The frigid temperatures took on a different feeling, one of defeat, of emptiness and despair that dug into their souls like sharp talons. A thousand emotions flooded through Ryoji all at once until he finally settled firmly on frustration, which showed in the way his eyes glittered with unshed tears. “I don’t know why I’m here now! There was nothing I could do to stop her before! I did everything I could to keep Minato-kun from going through with the battle knowing that it would lead to his death in some way or another! I told every one of you that Nyx couldn’t be killed and yet you made the choice to continue the fight! To place the blame entirely on my shoulders carries the same weight as spitting in the face of his body!”

Ryoji’s voice ricocheted off the walls, agonizing rage and power behind every word. His fists shook at his side; hearing the same questions over and over physically pained him. He’d made his point once before, shouldn’t that have been enough? Why did they feel the need to continue hounding him with the same things? Why couldn’t they just _believe him already_?

Fuuka was the first to break the silence, quietly walking over to stand beside Ryoji. He could tell she was anxious, but determined enough to work through it.

“He’s right. It isn’t fair to keep pestering him like this. Being hateful and pointing fingers will only make things worse. Ryoji-kun is obviously just as upset as the rest of us are. Why don’t we call it a night and continue this in the morning when we’ve all cooled off?” she suggested. 

Both Junpei’s and Ryoji’s shoulders visibly relaxed at the suggestion, the two of them more than willing to wait and continue this conversation later. Mitsuru seemed in agreement as well, if her sudden shift in posture was anything to go by. Yukari and Aigis seemed to be the most reluctant to let sleeping dogs lie, but a gentle touch from Junpei was enough to lower Yukari’s hackles, which convinced Aigis to stand down as well.

“Very well. We’ll continue this conversation in the morning. In the meantime, I think it would be a good idea to keep at least one person with Mochizuki at all times. Iori?” She glanced to him. He offered up a weak,shaky smile, but nodded anyway and pulled himself to his feet slowly.

“Yeah, sure. He can stay in my room. Not much in the way of ‘comfort’, but since this place is getting closed down anyway we can drag one of the couches from the hallway into my room somehow, right? I’d feel bad if he was stuck sleeping in a chair or something.”

“Between the two of us it shouldn’t take long, no. Your room is at least a little bit cleaner now, right?” Ryoji’s smile felt just barely forced, but Junpei’s snort of laughter eased that final bit of tension out of it. “Though, to be honest, I couldn’t tell you how much sleep I’ll get tonight. I’ll try not to keep you up, though.”

“Eh, no big deal. You being back is a big thing. Can’t say I’d be able to sleep well if I were in your position,” Junpei agreed as the pair split off from the group to head upstairs. “All my stuff’s packed up for when the dorm gets shut down, so the room’s pretty empty. Mitsuru-senpai’s gonna set us all up in a swanky new place, seems like.”

“That’s kind of her. To be honest, what little of her I knew made her seem like a—a hardass, I think the word is?” Junpei choked down a laugh beside him, and Ryoji nudged their shoulders together gently. “What was that laugh for?”

“Hearing you swear, man. I dunno why I find it so funny. God, you remember that time in my room when Minato-kun and I egged you on until you yelled ‘fuck’ as loud as you could right when Mitsuru-senpai opened the door?” Ryoji barked out a laugh and gripped onto the railing to keep himself from falling down as he fell into a fit of laughter. “We looked like we were ready for death when we saw she was standing in the door. I’m pretty sure Minato-kun started reciting a prayer of some sort too.”

“H-he did,” Ryoji wheezed as he finally regained his footing and swiped his hands underneath both of his eyes to wipe the tears away. “We followed along as best we could—and just sounded so serious. I thought for sure Kirijo-san would end us for that one. She looked so _offended_. How did we get out of that again?”

“She had to leave so she wouldn’t laugh at us,” Junpei explained with a weak giggle. “She told me later that she was ready to get onto us for acting like idiots, but when we all bowed our heads and started praying with Minato-kun she actually thought it was funny enough that she had to leave so we wouldn’t see her. Have to keep that big important image, you know?”

“Makes sense,” Ryoji agreed as they hit the landing for what once was the boy’s dorms. Ryoji couldn’t stop himself from casting a quick glance over at the room that once belonged to his other half. Memories of appearing there as Pharos, then visiting as Ryoji, made his chest physically ache. Junpei grunting from his left tore his attention away, thankfully.

“C’mon, I can’t drag this on my own.” Junpei bobbed his head towards the couch.

“What happened to all that strength you had in Tartarus?” Junpei shot Ryoji a nasty glare as he grabbed the other end of the couch to begin shuffling it down the hallway towards his room. It wasn’t until they had managed to drag the thing down there until they realized there was a monumental snag in their plan.

“...How are we supposed to get this thing inside?” Junpei asked while scratching the top of his head. “The hallway’s not wide enough to turn it. Can’t shove it in crooked, might damage the door or the couch, and the legs look too long to do that anyway.”

“It actually looks like the couch is too wide to push inside anyway…” Ryoji looked between the couch and the doorway a few times before sighing in defeat. “Looks like we aren’t getting this thing inside after all. We could push it so its flat against the wall though, with the cushions pressed against the doorway. That way you could keep an eye on me.”

“You’re pretty comfortable with having a night watch put on you,” Junpei noted as he stepped between the couch and his door to grab the front of it. They both grunted softly as they began moving it closer until the edge settled flush against the frame of the door. If Ryoji decided to try anything it would be extremely obvious and would give Junpei plenty of time to react.

“I understand why Kirijo-san insisted on it,” Ryoji admitted. He plopped himself down on the center cushion to stare into the bedroom. It looked baren, completely devoid of the clutter that had covered the room and the little bit of personal touch that made it Junpei’s.

There were a few boxes stacked up against the far wall, each labeled nice and neat, in handwriting that Ryoji could easily recognize as not Junpei’s. He was willing to put money on Mitsuru being the one to label the boxes. Maybe she even watched him pack to make sure everything was where it was meant to be. He couldn’t blame her, Junpei would probably have stuck something in the wrong box and then whined that it was missing until he unpacked it and happened to find it in a different box from the one it was supposed to be in.

“Still. It’s gotta be uncomfortable. You’re being treated like a...prisoner, or something.” Ryoji’s eyebrows raised slightly as a wry smile curled his lips.

“Not the word I would have used for myself, but it fits just as well I suppose,” he muttered. Junpei motioned for Ryoji to scoot down to the far end of the couch before he took a seat at the other end and let his legs spread out to take up the rest of the space. “You all have every reason to treat me like a monster. I am one, after all.”

“You’re not a monster, dude. Real monsters don’t care that they’re hurting people. You’re just...someone who got a bad hand in life.” Ryoji looked like he was getting ready to argue, so Junpei quickly tacked on, “But hey! Look at it this way! You’re getting a second chance. New cards and all that. You’ve got a chance to play things out the way you want. And you’ve got plenty of help from the very handsome Iori Junpei!”

“Junpei-kun, if you’re handsome then I’m human,” Ryoji teased, and the crestfallen look that Junpei gave him made burst into happy little giggles. He carefully turned in his position on the corner of the couch to spread his legs out over top of Junpei’s and crossed his arms. “But...thanks. For the encouragement, and for trying to make me feel better. I needed it more than I realized.”

“Hey, no need to thank me man,” Junpei said as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. He freed his legs from their place beneath Ryoji’s and patted his knee a few times. “You were a good friend to both me and Minato-kun. And now that we don’t gotta worry about Nyx, there’s nothing for us to worry about. You’re just...a normal guy now. Well, as normal as you can be, anyway.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely not a ‘normal guy’,” Ryoji chuckled. After a moment he turned to toss his legs over the side of the couch and kicked his shoes off to the floor. “It’s getting late. We should probably get to bed already. I have a feeling Mitsuru-san will want to continue our conversation extremely early in the morning.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Junpei agreed as he slid off the couch and scratched at the top of his head. “She’s been pretty busy since she graduated and Minato die...oh. Probably shouldn’t talk about that around you, should I?” He turned to Ryoji, saw the downcast expression on his face, and took that as a good enough answer. “Sorry man. I guess I gotta be careful about that.”

“It’s fine.” Ryoji smiled ever so slightly and raised one shoulder in a weak little shrug. “Tiptoeing around his death won’t help anyone, especially me. But right now isn’t the time for us to talk about my hang-ups. Do you have an extra blanket, or pillows?”

“Actually I do, yeah. Gimme a sec.” Ryoji watched Junpei hurry over to the stack of boxes against the far wall and begin passing over each labelled box, presumably to hunt down the spare blanket and pillow he promised. When he found the box in question he carefully peeled the tape off with a quiet apology to Mitsuru and pulled out a thin comforter and a mostly deflated pillow. “Sorry the pillow’s not the best. But I promise it’s clean!”

“It’s fine, I’ll survive,” Ryoji laughed. He tossed the pillow down onto the cushion behind him and shuffled further down to make himself comfortable. The couch was just barely too short, meaning he was forced to bend his legs at least a little bit to fit entirely, but he could easily say it wasn’t the worst place he’d slept in his life. The blanket was warm and soft and smelled faintly of detergent; it must have been washed just before it had been packed up.

Junpei flicked his bedroom light off and shuffled over to his bed to crawl underneath his covers. Each little movement as he shuffled around caused the springs on the bed to creak in protest. Once he’d finally settled down Ryoji felt comfortable enough to close his eyes.

“Night Ryoji-kun.”

“Goodnight, Junpei-kun.”

If he strained his ears, Ryoji could hear sounds from downstairs, of Yukari and Fuuka finally heading to their rooms as well. The front door opened and closed, signaling Mitsuru’s and Aigis’ departure. At least, that’s what he thought; the stairs creaked with heavy footsteps a moment later, until someone-Aigis, he realized, thanks to the soft metallic clink of her joints-hit the landing and walked down to where Minato’s old room had been. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before making up her mind and stepping inside for the night..

Once everyone had finally settled in for the night, the only sounds to be heard came from the groaning and creaking of the building settling, Junpei’s steady snoring, and the occasional barely-audible sniffle from Ryoji as he cried himself to sleep with memories of Minato for company.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long silence. A _lot_ of stuff happened in my life almost immediately after posting the last chapter, but I think things have finally leveled out for me! Fingers crossed!  
Also another huge shoutout to my beta salmonandsoup I missed SO MUCH SHIT this chapter because my brain was fried writing most of it.

The light of the moon bathed the top of Tartarus in sharp relief, the shadows cast by The Avatar of Nyx’s massive form covering most of the battlefield as she pelted the members of S.E.E.S with devastating magic attacks. Scorch marks mixed with glittery frost crystals and marred the stark white of the building as both Minato and Mitsuru flung spells together at their foe.

The avatar of Nyx seemed to shrug the assault off and simply fluttered her wings with a wicked laugh.

“Accept your fate and bow to me! The world demands an end to its pitiful existence, and I intend to fulfill its desire!” Her attention shifted to Minato as he ran around to her side; the slick bottom of his shoe caught on a patch of ice left behind and sent him stumbling forward long enough for him to find a hand clutching at his throat to haul him up into the air.

His sword clattered to the ground as his fingers began scratching at the claws wrapped firmly around his windpipe in a vain attempt at freeing himself from the creature’s clutches. As he sputtered for air and the light-headedness began to settle in he felt the sharp point of her blade dig into his chest with enough pressure to draw a thin trickle of blood.

“You will regret your decision to resist me. To stand against me is a foolish venture, and I will make sure your comrades understand that with your death!”

“Ryoji-kun…” Minato gasped, legs flailing around and nails catching against the avatar of Nyx’s ‘gloves.’ This seemed to reach something within her; her thumb slid down from his pulse point to the crook of his shoulder. The blade over his heart slid down his chest ever so slightly to rest right above his navel.

“Ryoji-kun...please…”

“Please…!”

“Hey, wake up!”

Ryoji shot up from the couch with a yell, eyes wide and chest heaving with labored breaths. At some point in the night the blanket ended up on the floor, most likely kicked off by his thrashing around during his nightmare. After a fuzzy moment he wiped at his face and felt his hands come away wet. He must have started crying.

With a shaking heave, he swallowed down the lump in his throat and turned to Junpei, who had stepped away from the couch, likely to avoid being hit. The thought twisted something in Ryoji’s chest, and without thinking he offered up a wan smile in apology.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Did I scare you?” he asked quietly.

“A little bit. Did you have a nightmare or something?” Junpei’s eyes flickered nervously between Ryoji and his makeshift bed, hands busying themselves with the hem of his sleep shirt.

“Yeah. I think so. I dreamed about the fight at the top of Tartarus,” Ryoji explained quietly. “But does it actually count as a nightmare if I dreamt about things that really happened? Or is my mind just taunting me with the horrible things I did?”

Junpei struggled to find something, anything to say that would give Ryoji some much-needed comfort, but the sound of Minato’s door opening from down the hall caught both of their attention. For a brief moment Ryoji actually expected him to walk out with his headphones on and his head down, but instead Aigis stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. She glanced up, saw Junpei and Ryoji standing on the other side of the couch chatting, and scowled ever so slightly before walking down the hall at a brusque pace.

“She seemed so thrilled to see me,” Ryoji deadpanned. This got a laugh out of Junpei, who shook his head slowly from side to side, then clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“C’mon. Let’s just get something to eat. I’m starving, and I know once Mitsuru-senpai gets here we’re gonna be stuck on those couches for a long time,” he said.

After staring at the couch for about a minute trying to decide if moving it was really worth the effort, the pair eventually concluded that climbing over it would be best, and they hurried downstairs as soon as they could. Ryoji half-expected to see Aigis sitting somewhere waiting to glare at him more, but the main room was blessedly empty.

At Junpei’s suggestion they went out to grab breakfast and coffee from a shop nearby, then meandered back towards the dorm.

“So… what are you gonna do now? I mean, you don’t have any way of coming back to school for your third year, do you?” Junpei asked. Ryoji hummed in thought and turned his face up to the sky. A flock birds fluttered by overhead, with a few fluffy white clouds slowly rolling across the sky behind them. The sun warmed everything up pleasantly and even forced him to squint so he could see.

“I mean, technically, I didn’t have a way to attend Gekkoukan before. I just...did. The universe shifted to slot me in. I don’t think I’m going to have that luxury this time. Besides, I’m pretty sure my entire existence now is automatically forfeit to whatever Kirijo-san decides for me.” He scoffed after a moment and dropped his head, looking at Junpei out of the corner of his eye. “Look at me. Nothing really changed after all. I’m simply a tool going from master to master,” he said, a hint of bitter resignation in his voice.

The pair fell silent as they walked, which set Ryoji’s skin crawling. Junpei was a loud person by nature, so the silence felt wrong. There was a far-off look in his eyes that suggested something may not be quite right, but before he could ask about it Junpei finally spoke.

“It is what you make of it,” he said, voice slightly higher pitched than normal and slightly breathier as well. “It may feel like you’ve made no progress, but your very existence is proof enough. Continue on your path; one day, you will look back at your past and appreciate each stepping stone along the way.”

Ryoji felt taken aback at not only how serious Junpei sounded, but also how out-of-character his words were. Junpei wasn’t stupid, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he couldn’t remember a time where Junpei had sounded so worldly or given such succinct advice. After a moment he seemed to shake off whatever funk he’d ended up in and gave an awkward laugh.

“Sorry about that. Dunno why, but sometimes I black out. Not for long, just a couple seconds, but it’s still kinda freaky. It hasn’t happened around any of the others, so can you keep quiet about it?” Where he had been perfectly at ease before he now seemed jittery, hands fidgeting with his coffee cup, or the brim of his hat, or running along the back of his neck anxiously.

“Junpei-kun, you weren’t unconscious. You spoke to me. At least, I think it was you. The voice sounded wrong, and the words you said weren’t anything I’ve heard from you before. Perhaps we should speak with Kirijo-san about this? It might be best to have you see a doctor…”

“C’mon, it’s fine. I promise. Nothing bad’s happened yet!” Junpei protested. Ryoji growled in the back of his throat and slapped his hand over his face before dragging it down slowly in obvious agitation. He slapped a hand down onto Junpei’s shoulder to bodily turn him and gave him the most threatening glare he could manage. Given how gentle he was by nature, however, it came off more as intense agitation than actual anger.

“That isn’t very reassuring. ‘Yet’ means there’s a chance of something happening to you, and it worries me. I am begging you to say something about this. You’re my friend and I don’t want to lose you too,” he whispered quietly. Something thick caught in the back of Ryoji’s throat, forced him to choke it down then clear it out when that didn’t work. The smile he gave was shaky at best. “Sorry. Hope I didn’t upset you or anything.”

“Nah. It’s fine.” Junpei let out a quiet sigh and gently pushed Ryoji’s hand from his shoulder before rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. “Honestly you’re right. I should say something about it. I just don’t want them to worry about me. And with you back I thought it would just upset everyone more. Especially you. I mean, we’ve gotta figure out what’s gonna happen to you.” He threw an arm up over Ryoji’s shoulder and squeezed him tight as they rounded the corner leading towards the dorm. “Hey, maybe you could come live with me! Mitsuru-senpai wants someone with you at all times anyway, and it’ll make sure we’ve both got company. Who knows? Maybe she can forge the stuff you need to come with us back to school!”

“That would honestly be great. It’ll give me something to do with my life while I try to...figure out what to do with my life,” he laughed. He tossed an arm up over Junpei’s shoulders and bumped their hips together. They paused for a moment outside the doors to the dorm to finish their coffee before stepping inside with the tail end of a joke leaving them clutching their stomachs in laughter.

They expected Aigis to have finally reappeared and were fully prepared to 

Ken sitting next to her with Koromaru in his lap, however, caught them both by surprise. Obviously the shock was mutual, as Ken visibly jumped when he got a good look at Ryoji holding Junpei like they were best friends. Koromaru didn’t seem to appreciate his return either; he jumped out of Ken’s lap and immediately raised his hackles with a warning growl.

“You...why are you here? Arisato-san...he defeated you. The Dark Hour ended, he stopped the Fall! Why are you back!?” Junpei quickly peeled himself away from Ryoji’s side to step between him and Ken, who had jumped off the couch and looked very much like he was getting ready to try and start a fight.

“Wait! Amada-kun, it’s okay! He’s not a threat anymore!” he argued, even going so far as to throw his hands up in defense. Understandably Ken seemed more than a little skeptical; for someone so small, his angry face could be almost as intimidating as Mitsuru’s. It proved effective enough, at least, to prompt Ryoji into taking a tentative step backwards.

“Junpei-kun is right. I don’t want to hurt any of you, and I no longer seem to be subject to Nyx’s influence. Look, Kirijo-san knows I’m here, and will be back today to sit down and decide what will happen with me. Can you at least pretend to be at ease around me until then?” he asked quietly.

Koromaru was the first to back off, hackles slowly lowering along with his haunches down onto the floor. His tail stayed curled at his back with minimal movement, but Ryoji took the small victory he was given. Ken seemed less enthusiastic about playing buddy buddy with someone who came uncomfortably close to destroying the world before, but Koromaru’s acceptance proved enough when his shoulders dropped down from his ears.

“...Okay. But I’m gonna warn you! First sign of trouble and that’s it!” Ken balled both fists up and planted them firmly on his hips. For good measure he kept his face twisted up in anger, even as Ryoji had to stifle his laughter behind his scarf. No sense embarrassing the poor boy.

“I’ll keep that in mind. But I assure you, I won’t be causing anyone any problems. Not so long as I can help it,” Ryoji chuckled. He squatted down in front of Koromaru and held his hand out for the small dog to sniff; after a couple of anxious huffs he pressed his face into Ryoji’s hand and began panting softly. He slid his hand underneath to scratch at the bottom of Koromaru’s chin gently for a few seconds, which earned him some slow tail wags and even a few quick little licks.

Ken’s shoulders drooped as his hands slid from his hips. Junpei had been completely at ease hanging off of Ryoji’s shoulder before, like he trusted the boy completely with his life. In fact he was settling down on the floor next to Ryoji, who had managed to coax Koromaru into rolling over onto his back for some good, quality belly rubs. For just a moment, everything seemed...peaceful.

The moment the front doors to the dorm opened, and Mitsuru stepped inside the small building, the previously warm atmosphere from before went ice-cold. One elegant eyebrow was arched for a brief moment before lowering slowly. Aigis stood behind her at firm attention.

“Mochizuki. I believe we have something important to discuss.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DON'T WORRY  
THIS HASN'T BEEN ABANDONED  
There's been a lot of things going on in my life, and things are only just now kind of starting to get evened out. Again. This series will continue, I'm too goddamn stubborn to let it die LOL.

Ryoji watched Mitsuru pace along the foyer of the dorms with her thumb pressed against her bottom lip and her eyes fixed firmly to the floor in front of her. Each click of her heels on tile felt like another tick closer towards some horrid punishment for him. Would Mitsuru insist on keeping him locked up somewhere, with the insistence that it would be for humanity’s own good? Her father’s company had been heavily involved in shadow research while he had been alive, and he would be willing to put money on the fact that very little, if anything, had changed since it fell into her hands. Would he be forced into some horrid experiments, told that it might help them learn something about Nyx to potentially stop her in the future?

When she finally stopped, it felt like Ryoji’s heart stopped with her.

“...Have you finally made your decision?” he asked quietly. Fear kept him from looking her in the eyes, though what he had to fear wasn’t clear. Her frigid eyes? Her proud posture? Or maybe it was the faint light of pity he could see in her eyes, very obviously directed towards him, that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Maybe. This involves you, so I feel you should get at least a small say in what happens to you.” Her arms crossed in front of her chest as she turned to look at him, and suddenly Ryoji felt like a child being scolded for spilling juice on the floor. There was no real reason for him to be afraid of her, if it came down to it he could wipe the floor with her in a fight no questions asked. Only sheer numbers and perseverance had been enough to best him (her, not him. He will never become that monster again.)

“I don’t really think my opinion on this matters too much, Kirijo-san. I have too many feelings about my existence now to really give a proper answer, but...if at all possible, I would at least like to be allowed to live,” he answered softly. Mitsuru seemed to contemplate this for a few brief moments before sighing quietly and dropping her arms to her side.

“Well you’re in luck, because I have no intention of killing you,” she stated firmly. A stray curl fell in front of her face, which she quickly brushed to the side and back behind her ear. “However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you wander around completely unsupervised.”

“I honestly wouldn’t expect any different, Kirijo-san. Will you keep me locked up then?” he asked. Koromaru, who had been napping peacefully beneath the couch while Mitsuru made her rounds across the floor, crawled up onto the couch to settle beside Ryoji with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and one paw settled on Ryoji’s thigh.

“While you aren’t necessarily human, you aren’t a beast that needs to be caged for everyone’s safety. Not right now at least,” she answered. Ryoji looked ready to argue with her, so she held a finger up to silence him; his mouth shifted into a grimace as his hand settled atop Koromaru’s head gently. Mitsuru’s normal scowl melted away into something softer as her arms dropped to her sides. “...Seeing you here is...hard to process. I suppose.”

“Because of Minato-kun?” he asked, and the flash of hurt across her face was all the answers he needed. “I wish there was something I could say to make things better. All I can offer you, however, is apologies that I’m the one sitting here and not him. If I could trade my life for his I would do so in a heartbeat.” This seemed to bring a ghost of a smile to Mitsuru’s face.

“I think hearing you say that would upset him,” she said. “I don’t completely understand why you are here, but I like to think Arisato had something to do with it. I think we both know that if he were here, he would want you to live.” Ryoji found himself at a loss for words, hand slowly trailing along Koromaru’s back as he worked to piece together a response.

“I think you’re right,” he finally answered, after a long drawn-out silence. “He loved me, I think. I hope. I know I loved him. Being a part of him for ten years gave me very little insight into his feelings towards me after everything that happened, however.” It was meant to be a joke, but it missed its mark entirely and just left things awkward.

At least he thought so, until Mitsuru gave a soft little chuckle.

“I don’t think anyone had much insight into the way he felt about anything.” She finally seemed to have relaxed some, at least enough to settle onto the couch beside Ryoji. Progress, he supposed. If only the rest would come around this easily. “I hate to change the subject, but I feel we should discuss you right now. Reminiscing can come later.”

“Oh. You’re right, I’m sorry.” Mitsuru reached a hand up to rest on Ryoji’s shoulder only to hesitate. Likely too uncomfortable with touching him at the moment, he decided. He gave his shoulder an encouraging little wiggle, which seemed to set her at ease enough that she finished the movement and even squeezed with the barest hint of pressure. The touch was comforting in a way he didn’t realize he needed.

“Don’t apologize, Mochizuki. Things are hard, and while we've had months to process things, everything is still painfully fresh for you. If you want, I will gladly find someone for you to talk to about things. I've been suggesting it to the other members, although I understand their hesitance."

"Thank you, Kirijo-san. I may take you up on that." Koromaru, seemingly deciding his presence was no longer needed, slid out of Ryoji's lap and once again made himself comfortable under the couch. "Now. About myself…"

"You'll be treated like a human, I promise. As painful as this may sound, you are a shadow, and your continued appearance is something that should be studied for answers."

"Human experimentation? If I didn't know better I'd think the Kirijo Group would be above that," Ryoji chuckled. Mitsuru's sour face killed the laugh and instead left him fidgeting uncomfortably. "Sorry."

"No, it's...fine. I feel terrible, you aren't some creature but... there's no telling the kinds of answers you could give us. I'm not making it mandatory, however. It would be entirely your decision." Mitsuru finally withdrew her hand to rest in her lap, eyes fixed firmly on Ryoji's face. She would wait for as long as she needed for an answer.

Ryoji hummed and threaded part of the scarf around his hand as he contemplated his choices. The experiments would be painful, no doubt about it. He expected to be poked and prodded until he was more bruise than anything else, pushed to the point of exhaustion and beyond...it would be hell for however long he was forced to participate.

But these experiments might prove helpful to prevent future incidents like these. If they could figure out how he worked, it might give them a better understanding of how shadows in a greater sense worked. Potentially, decades down the road, the research could even potentially lead to a discovery of a way to stop the Fall completely and... maybe even…

"...Okay. I'll do it." He took a slow, steady breath, let the scarf fall from around his wrist into his lap. "I'm guessing this won't be a one and done thing?"

"Most likely not. A baseline would need to be established, which could take months, and then other tests would need to be performed as the need arises. God, I feel disgusting just saying these things...what if I turn out just like my grandfather?"

"You won't." Now it was Ryoji's turn to provide comfort, reaching a hand out to gently squeeze one of hers. "I know you won't, because you're stronger than that. You've seen what can happen, and I know you'll do everything you can to be different. I'm doing this willingly, and I trust you. So why don't you trust yourself?" Mitsuru sat in a stunned silence before laughter bubbled up from her chest. Ryoji couldn't help but think she looked stunning when she smiled like that.

"You sound just like Arisato," she giggled. Actually giggled. This side of Mitsuru seemed different from the one he knew before, who would bark orders with confidence and carry herself with a fierce grace in the battlefield. She seemed...softer now. But not in a bad way. More like she had finally begun to understand how to live outside of being a Kirijo.

"Being a part of him for so long...I'm not surprised. I think there might be a part of him still inside me, somewhere deep down. I hope that won't cause problems," he said. She shook her head and twisted her hand to squeeze his back.

"No. It won't. It's a good thing. Perhaps that might help ease Yukari and Aigis into being comfortable around you." The skeptical look he shot her had her smiling softly in amusement. "You trust me, right? So why not trust yourself?"

"Hey, you can't just go using my own advice on me! That's cheating!" They fell into laughter together, leaning together against the back of the couch as they fought to catch their breaths. "You know, Kirijo-san...you're very beautiful when you smile." The look she shot him in response could probably whither a plant if she tried hard enough 

"Don't even think about it," she warned. Ryoji was quick to pull his hand away and hold both of them up in front of him.

"Okay, okay, I get the point! No flirting. Got it." She patted his knee as she pulled herself to her feet and smoothed her skirt out. When she turned back to him her eyes were hardened, and Ryoji was reminded of the awe attached to the woman before him. Now, she was a Kirijo with a plan in mind.

"I have plans to create a task force of sorts, specifically meant to combat shadows in the event things like the Dark Hour happen again. If you would like to join us, I feel like you would be a very powerful ally in the fight,” she said firmly.

"Trying to work me to death, Kirijo-san? I guess I should be lucky I'm immortal." He stood as well, one hand sliding into the pocket of his pants while the other reached up to adjust his hair. "Of course I'll join. I just have one stipulation." One of Mitsuru's brows raised in surprise, but she seemed intent on at least hearing him out.

"Alright. What is this stipulation?"

"Something seems...off. With Junpei-kun. I can't tell you exactly what it is, but our conversation this morning felt wrong. I was hoping you could potentially find out what seems to be going on with him." Now Mitsuru seemed concerned, back straightening up and arms crossing in front of her. Ryoji found it fascinating just how quickly her mood could shift.

"What exactly happened?" she asked.

"I'm not entirely sure. Just something felt strange. One moment he and I were talking, then he went quiet. When he spoke again I don't really think it was *him.* The voice was wrong, and...well to put it politely, Junpei-kun suddenly seemed much smarter than he should have. I felt something different with his resonance as well. Like a shift in the core of his soul."

Mitsuru pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, eyes boring into the floor and nails steadily drumming on her arm. The steady tap, tap, tap of her foot became the only noise in the dorm for so long that Ryoji grew uncomfortable. Eventually he took to singing some old song he heard on Minato's old MP3 player in his head.

"I'll look into this," Mitsuru finally said. "I have a theory as to why this is happening to him, but I want to avoid saying anything until I know for certain. Getting him to admit to something being wrong will likely be impossible, but having you around might be enough to convince him to open up. I'm surprised he's not here right now."

"He went out with Takeba-san and Aigis-san. I guess they figured you would want to speak with me alone," he answered. She 'hmm'd before reaching up and flicking part of her hair out of her face, then pulling her phone out, most likely to call Junpei.

"Yukari." Oh. That wasn't who Ryoji expected her to call. "I need you to bring Iori back to the dorm soon. Preferably without Aigis. Yes. Mochizuki has said something might be wrong with Iori and...oh, he has? Oh. Oh alright. Yes, as soon as you can. Thank you." She snapped her phone closed and slid it into a pocket hidden in the folds of her skirt before turning back to Ryoji.

"Did it happen again?"

"Yes. He went quiet, just as he did with you, before speaking in a way that wasn't Iori. She'll be bringing him back to the dorm as I asked, but I'm not sure how we'll get Aigis to-"

Koromaru interrupted her with a sharp bark before trotting towards the door and pawing at it with a pathetic whimper. Her face scrunched up in confusion; Ryoji lit up in understanding before he casually walked over and let the dog out. He carefully leaned against the wood and shot Mitsuru the most innocent smile he could manage.

"Oops. Koromaru got loose, and I don't know where he went. It could take hours to find him. I don't think he had his collar on. I think Aigis-san might be our best bet at getting him back," he explained. Mitsuru gave an uncharacteristic snort before pulling her phone back out.

"You're both too smart for your own good sometimes."


End file.
